Monday, February 7, 2011
Late October my Grandfather was diagnosed with lung caner. The doctors said it would kill him if he had to do cemo. My parents prayed and in late December we brought him to our house to live. Now he is here upstairs in my brothers old room, he's bedriden. He's been with us for seven weeks now. I have to confess that I wasn't excited when he came to live with us because we can't leave him home alone someones always gotta be with him. My life has completely changed, I dont mind it anymore I'm used to it. I actually enjoy going and talking to him everyday, our talks are nice I've gotten really close to him these past weeks. Day's pass and I realize how everyday he get's weaker and weaker. It make's it hard to walk past the room and here him coughing and knowing he's dying that he's never gonna get better , the cancer's killing him. Everyday I bare and grin the pain in my chest because I don't wont people to know how it really hurts. I will going to my room and cry because I've held it in for so long. I sit and think God why does he have to be here living with us, I don't wont him here, I wont things to go back to the way they were and not have to see him dying. I hate having to serve him and not being able to do what I wont. It's not fair why me WHY? I sat down and read my bible and prayed I layed all the pain I was feeling on God and he told me because it's my plan this is going to strengthing you and where you are weak I will be strong in you. So I thought about it and said Ok God. So I sit there and serve him with a good spirit knowing this is what God wants for me. I now that when he's gone I will miss him and never walk past my brothers room and not think about him and the tv blairing but I have the hope of knowing I will see him again in heaven. God is good and he will help me I just need all the prayer I can get during this time.